and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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