Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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