My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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