So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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