At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
