Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
