Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
