my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
