so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
