I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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