i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
