I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Every concussion has its silver lining
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
