Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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