when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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