I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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