We got so high we made milksteak
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
