fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
