I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
