you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
