so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
