I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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