she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She is in my trunk
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
