i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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