i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
