I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
