Too much gin, very little bucket
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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