We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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