Got a toothbrush?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
