I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
