Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
