"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
