I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
