Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
