i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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