I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
