We're like a lot better than the average bears
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
