Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
