Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
