i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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