I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
