i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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