Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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