How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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