Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
