Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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