i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
