I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
