My balls are so social today.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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