my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
