Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
