So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
